The Man Who Hit Me

Posted on July 22, 2018, by Grace and Ivan Utomo (see:

Pastor's noteI mentioned Grace and Ivan's powerful testimony last Sunday in my sermon. What incredible servants of Christ they are. They have endured a kind of 'martyrdom' and still, they "shine like stars". (Phi 2: 15)

Grace: Hi everyone! Our rollercoaster ride over the past few weeks reminded me of someone who’s never showed up on the blog: the man who hit me. The man who hit me and didn’t even say “I’m sorry.”

My first clear thought about this man came in the rehab hospital. The night nurse was putting me to bed, but she hesitated before pouring out some pills. “Are you mad?” she said. I thought she meant about the accident in general, so I gave her my standard reply. “Not really…I mean, how could I be mad? I’m alive when I should be dead!” She laughed. “No, not about that…are you mad at the guy who hit you?” That made me stop and think. (Thinking took a lot longer back then.) “No,” I said finally. “I think I just feel bad for him. I’d hate to live the rest of my life knowing I had done this.”

She probably thought I was drugged, but what I said was true. I still feel truly sorry for him. Ruining someone’s life is a terrible ghost to haunt you. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I don’t want that man to get hurt. (I don’t want him dead or hit by a car in case you’re wondering!) I definitely don’t want him to go to Hell.

So what do I want?

I’ve thought about this a lot and come up with two big wishes:

1.) That he would encounter God through Jesus before the end of his life. Facing a just and angry God with the pain of our accident on his hands would be a terrifying, terrifying fate.

2.) I don’t want him punished “for real” in this life or the next, but I would love to do one thing to him. I want to make him watch one critical day – just one day – of our post-accident lives. It could be me way back in ICU that first night when I was supposed to die. It could be me in therapy trying so hard to catch up to a bunch of amputee patients. It could be me in the hospital during any one of my stays in the past seven months, having seizure after seizure after seizure. I’d love for him to have to turn around and look Mom and Dad and Ivan in the eye during one of those moments and see their fear and pain and exhaustion. I’d love for him to be with us just one day and think “I did this.”

Yeah, I have to admit it would feel pretty great if someone could make wish #2 come true. 

Thankfully for the man who hit me, they can’t. But wish #1 is still my top wish for him. The best part is that it could come true. He really could find Jesus one day and be forgiven. But in the meantime, whatever happens…I still feel really, really sorry for him.

P.S. This is all I’m at liberty to share at the moment. There may be a Part 2 at some point in the future where we can share more. But for now, thanks for your patience!

Ivan: I won’t write too much for now, but I just wanted to add two things. First, there is a legal side to this accident that Grace and I can’t elaborate on just yet. However, Grace and I can say that we have received no settlement from the offending party and most likely will not. Second, as much pain as this person has caused us, and as great as his need for God’s forgiveness is, Grace and I are reminded that we also need God’s forgiveness for our sins. The Bible is clear that everyone needs forgiveness, but it also gives a clear path to forgiveness through Jesus. 

Thank you all for your love and support!

                                       Ivan and Grace


Note: please continue to pray for Grace and Ivan whose ministry and music were such a blessing to us for years. Pray for our Savior's healing of her; that their beautiful ministry would be restored. You can follow their weblog submissions on a regular basis at: 


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